Sunday, 16 July 2017

Family WTF - Part Deux

Some more WTF moments for you, I don't know how this one passed me by earlier. I have little snippets typed away on whatever word document is open at the time. There's probably loads of forgotten gems on this computer.

Original Source Tea Tree and Mint shower gel. You'd have to have been living under a rock not to know of it, and its... er... side effects. Particularly on genitalia. Male, female, it shows no discrimination, and seemingly, little mercy.

Cut to our recent break away at the in laws. Ryan takes a shower. And my husband, in his infinite wisdom, he who actually likes the... tingle of said shower gel (sadist), had only packed that. It was that, or my Raspberry and Vanilla shower gel. 'Just use mine' said Mr G. And so he did. Poor, poor Ryan.

And so our story starts off in Wigan. Approximately 9 am.

Ryan: Dad? You know that green shower gel? I'm burning.

Mr G: Yeah. It does that.

Didn't think anything more of it. Cue a (no doubt) very uncomfortable two hour car ride home. And then, at 9.30 pm, he comes downstairs and says...

Ryan: Mum? You know how when you eat spicy food, milk helps?

Me: Yes.

Ryan: Will dunking my testicles into a glass of milk help to ease the pain? They're still red...

Me: Oh my God, really?

Ryan: Yes.

Adam: Noted. I'll stick to my Lynx...

Ryan: Are there chillies in it?

Me: Not as I know of.

Ryan: The pain won't go away and it's testicling my patience.

And soooooooo I showed him that he wasn't alone in his struggle. In particular one article. And when he read the words...

“MY FLAPS WERE ON F***ING FIRE, Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a f***ing bush fire down there.”

... he lost it, and laughed and laughed and laughed.  Ryan now sticks to Lynx, also. Lesson learned.



And speak of the devil and he shall appear. As I type...

Ryan: Mum, imagine you were a flamingo.

Me: *blank*

Ryan: And you had pins and needles or your leg went numb.

Me: *blank*

Ryan: Because flamingos, they stand like this *stands on one leg*

Me: Go away. Please. Just go away.



Yesterday, I excelled myself in my sloppiness. A totally clean t shirt ruined within thirteen seconds of starting to eat my lunch. Rounded off with a healthy dollop of my tea. Mr G just sat watching me eat, shaking his head in bemusement...

Mr G: It is comedy gold watching you eat. You'd get less food down you, eating soup with a sieve.

He's found me a bib... which proudly proclaims '99 Problems but a Bib ain't one'.

Anyone know a good divorce lawyer?



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